[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
It looks like... alien rebar.
It's really thick, but that would
make sense, what with the low gravity.
So far, it looks like I made the right
choice coming here. That's a surprise.
Okay, he doesn't see me. Let's
do this the economical way.
Oh, okay! You just don't give a fuck.
Well, if you don't give a fuck,
I don't give a fuck.
Hell, if you guys were this chill earlier,
I would've just assumed you worked at
Black Mesa. Like a burn victim or something.
Wouldn't make sense for
somebody to drop this here.
Yeah, I think it got scattered
in the process.
Okay, time for a loyalty test.
I need a boost and that's your
new job description, all right?
Hey! This is a privilege.
Don't forget that.
And I keep hearing a monkey or
something making noises.
I mean, it's obviously
not a real monkey,
but is there that big a
difference around here?
These look like integrated circuits!
Doesn't do anything, but maybe
I've underestimated them.
Or maybe they just stole it from
somewhere else because it looks valuable.
This structure at least resembles
something professional-looking,
like they have some sort of purpose
instead of just running around in circles
on their islands making guttural noises.
Yeah, we have lifts, barrels, lighting...
This is some sort of
manufacturing or processing.
They're still not wearing any clothes,
though, so I'm not THAT impressed.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
I can take this place over.
It's ripe for colonization.
I just need to find the leader, blow his
head off, then they'll start bowing to me.
Okay, I'm not convinced what I'm
doing right now is a good idea,
but there's literally no entrance. So,
were the workers born here or what?
BLAHBLABLABLAHALBALAHRRARAARARARAAARARAAAA!
MY MATTER DOES NOT
VIBRATE THE CORRECT WAY!
I NEVER WANTED TO BE A BARREL!
If I see another one of those fields,
I'll calmly get down and tear apart this
entire room until I can disable the power.
I'M HOLDING EVERYONE HERE RESPONSIBLE!
AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY
CRAP ABOUT THIS BEING A FACTORY;
IT'S A SPA IF I SAY IT'S A SPA!
YOU'RE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT NOW!
IT'S ONLY MY FIRST DAY HERE AND
I'M ALREADY SEEING DOZENS OF THINGS
WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO CHANGE!
YOU'RE EITHER WITH MORE OR I'M GOING
TO HAVE TO KILL YOU! SO PICK A SIDE!
THIS IS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE!
SO, WHICH IS IT?!
[vortigaunt charging up]
FINE!
I didn't even see you doing anything.
I saw you standing in a corner
acting like you're busy.
I was more impressed by the last room
where there was one guy working
and five standing around.
That's how we do it back on Earth, too.
Looks like I found my predecessor.
What happened? The workers kill him?
Oh, yeah. There's going to be a
lot of restructuring around here.
It would help if I knew what
was in these barrels,
or what any of this does, really.
Not a problem. I'll find out.
It would just be easier...
[panting]
...for everyone involved...
[vortigaunt charging up]
It's not laundry detergent.
This is NOT what cooperation sounds like!
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID POLICIES!
Oh, is that gonna crush him?
You've been downsized... with a bullet.
In fact, I think company policy should be
to just run away from me if you see me.
That would simplify my life for
the next few weeks.
I think these fliers must be
the dominant species here.
How the hell else would anything
get around between these islands?
Also, their heads seem disproportionately
large compared to the rest of their body.
Maybe they need that space for
more developed brains.
Then again, maybe they just puff up
their heads to float around like balloons.
At some point, I'm just going to
have to call it quits with teleporting
once I've run out of ammo.
But that day has not come yet.
Ooh, that one was a little fast.
Did I get him?
Well, I'm sure he'll let me
know if I didn't.
So, these aliens are at the cusp
of industrial revolution development?
Except they have teleporters and
forcefields. What the fuck?
But they don't have clothes or tools or...
Okay, is this guy hostile?
Eh, why take a chance?
All right, this gap isn't quite big
enough. I'm going to move this junk.
SHIT POPPERS! HOW DID THAT
THING GET INSIDE A BARREL?!
OH, GREAT! THERE'S THE
STORE GREETER! FUCK OFF!
YOUR SERVICES ARE NOT REQUIRED!
So, they're manufacturing soldiers?!
That's what's in the barrels?!
Why?! So they can shoot bees?!
Have they done a cost-benefit analysis
of that instead of just making guns?
Or maybe they have different criteria
[vortigaunt charging up]
like which one makes nicer sounds.
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF BEING
SHOT WITH ELECTRICITY OVER AND OVER!
EVEN ON MY WORST DATES, I NEVER
GOT SHOCKED THIS MUCH!
Fucking low-gravity whiffle shot...
OKAY, ENOUGH OF THIS BOUNCING HAPPY
FUN TIME; I'M NOT COMMUNICATING CLEARLY!
THIS MUST BE THE MEAT STORAGE
FACILITY! DON'T WORRY, WE'LL FILL IT UP!
YEAH, I'LL STACK THIS PLACE TO THE
CEILING WITH ALIEN GUTS IF I HAVE TO!
[alien controller call]
What's that?!
Satchel charges! Yeah, yeah I
found a use for them last time, didn't I?
Oh, no way! More grenade rounds!
Yeah, we were just DUMPING
researchers here.
What was the plan to get them back?
I mean, there had to be SOME plan. You
would lose money on the equipment alone.
I mean guided rockets
aren't exactly cheap.
Well, I feel like I've been given
the tools to solve this problem.
Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll
take out the support column, too.
There's nothing of value here at all.
And just in case, let's be safe.
Fucking monsters in barrels.
Hey, that means the movie
Phantasm was semi-accurate.
NO, GO AND RUN, YOU HAD THE RIGHT IDEA!
[vortigaunt charging up]
Christ, you having a meeting in here?
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
[vortigaunt charging up]
SHOULD'VE RELOADED SOONER!
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
Quiet time has now started,
so please use your inside voice if you need
to be a psychotic menace to all that is good.
Okay, I don't see a
passageway but THIS is useful.
Oh, yeah, this guy was loaded.
Let's double check, does this...?
Well... I know what this is.
This is a big-screen TV
if I ever saw one.
It has protective doors, I just
need to get them off.
Well, I'm going to figure this out.
I know alien TV has to be better
than daytime television.
Aliens don't need to babysit
retired people.